This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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