and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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