perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
