is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
