your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
