i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
cat food counts as protein by the way
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize