...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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