Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Ketchup is God's man juice
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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