I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize