I smell stomach acid.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
