yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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