he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Terrible idea I love it
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
