Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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