just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
