it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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