happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
