She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
