is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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