dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
