You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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