508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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