You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Randomize
