Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
