i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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