So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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