separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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