I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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