I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
