I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
