ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
