Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Acid is not a monday night drug
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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