If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize