theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
