I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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