i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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