i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
