it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
