He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
