I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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