she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
