Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Semen is not good for contacts.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize