We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I deserve this hangover.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
