Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
