I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
