I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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