I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize