I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
