A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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