literally had 100 drinks last night.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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