i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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