I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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