There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
