My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize