Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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