I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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