Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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