I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
