Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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