Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
