There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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