you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
P.S. I can't hear my feet
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
