i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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