alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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