I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
