Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
