I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
