her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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