How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
