I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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