he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
