Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
