it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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