Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
