I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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