The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
