Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
