"it" just moved
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
